Arraged Message Why not?

Heyy Guys! There was a lot of talk about arranged marriage and how it was a new idea to many people. Here is a video that may help you understand it a bit better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYHeLoj1H2Q

The situation in this video is more ideal, but the general idea is the same. However I wanted to say how surprised I was, when people in this class were a lot more understanding than I had expected. There were some interesting points made on relationship in relation to happiness. I know one of the couples talked about, was in a bad relationship. However I wanted to talk about my own family a little bit more. Now everyone in my Grandma’s generation is arranged with the exception of my Grandmas older brother, the first of five. He was initially in a love marriage which ended in divorce, and than a marriage was “arranged” for him. I am not trying to say that one type of marriage is better than the other but rather trying to take out a great deal of misconceptions. My parents generation was arranged as well. All with the exception of my three aunts who were actually raised in the united states. Now I am the oldest of my generation in respect to my mom’s side and my time is approaching. I am not forced into one side or an other, but my parents do want me to have a life partner, and they wont me to get one before I get a job. My mother believes if one become to independent it will create problems in marriage. Now I will have the option of choosing people and “courting them.” So the idea that many people have, surprise Im your husband is not very true, at least not so much in this age. I mean it does not mean people necessarily marry who they love rather they love who they marry.

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2 thoughts on “Arraged Message Why not?

  1. I am enjoying learning more about arranged marriages. Unfortunately, I had never met anyone who came from a family of arranged marriages until I came to college. I am trying to take in a lot of new knowledge as quickly as possible! I think it is interesting that your mother told you that it is better to find a life partner before you get a job and become too independent. This seems to go against most everything that I have heard/disscussed with friends and family. As my friends and I reach an age when we begin to consider and visualize ourselves as working, married, adults, this topic seems to come up quite frequently. So far, the consensus has been: Don’t rush things and enjoy your youth. You want to know who you are before you commit your life to someone else. And so on and so on… I believe that my friends and mother make a good point. It is good to know that you are able to support yourself…just in case something happens. There is a sense of pride and a feeling of “I did it!” that comes with knowing that you are entirely independent. However, after reading your post I am wondering if that independence can be dangerous. Afterall, isn’t marriage all (or almost always) about compromise? Perhaps there is such a thing as being too independent, in so much that a person forgots how to consider another persons needs as being just as important as his/her own. Maybe independence before marriage is the reason why so many marriages fall apart. To me, it seems a lot easier to marry and then learn and grow together than it does to learn to be independent and then have to re-learn how to be dependent on someone else. This is definitey something that I need to think more about. Thanks for the thought provoking post!

  2. Heyy! I am glad that this topic interests you. I wanted to share a litte bit more information, that I probably should clarify. Firstly, about independence. In regards to financial dependence, my mom and I believe the same thing you do. After all, paying this much for college is giving me the tools to do just that. However when one become too independent-minded as in too comfortable where they are, people tend to feel that they don’t need to compromise. When this happens how is one suppose to get married. My mom says its easier to mix black and white play-dough than it is to mix unlike leg-gos. She also says once you mix the play dough you’ll still see black and white, meaning the independence and individuality of each person, but you’ll see gray too (the marrige). I mean along this line you could think of all the un-reconcilable differences divorces or even people dating for years with no plans for marriage. Now I understand that some of these truly are unreconciled and that divorce is not 100% wrong, or marriage, either way, is 100% fool proof. AS for finding yourself, well I guess that’s partly a cultural thing, I believe I am finding my self in college and if/when i get married Ill continue finding my self but find a part of me that will appreciate the partnership i will get from my spouse and a part that is willing to compromise.
    I just re-read the latter part about growing independent and that exactly my belief too. =) Thanks for being open to the opinion.

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